There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
