This house was built for laser tag.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize