You smell like stripper and shame
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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