I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
