ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
