We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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