Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
