how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
