I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
