I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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