Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize