I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
