is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
