If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize