So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
