Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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