hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
