I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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