Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
