My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sorry my hands just texted you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
