Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
