booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
