one might say we're banned from that church
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
