escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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