If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
