woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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