Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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