maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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