the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
