So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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