I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
