this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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