Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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