i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
50% drunk capacity currently
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
