Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
