he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
