he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
