Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
