my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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