I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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