Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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