Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
