The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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