just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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