there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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