tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's blow job season.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
