too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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