I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
