A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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