I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
