i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
