i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You can't special order awesome
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
