You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
