So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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