Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize