I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
