so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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