I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize