can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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