Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
