to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
