It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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