So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
