I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
