I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
