i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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