Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize