I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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