he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
