508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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