i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
