how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
